I am a western woman and have a Chinese boyfriend. When I told this to a male western friend of mine who EVEN HAS A CHINESE WIFE(!!!), he couldn’t believe it at all and reacted very strange, not to say rude, asking questions like “how can you like a Chinese guy?”, etc. I was too baffled to react immediately, but when I think about it now I am really angry. To me his reaction implies that in his view (1) Caucasians are superior to Chinese and (2), women belong to men so it’s ok if the white womanizers date women of whichever race, but if western girls date Asian men, they violate white men’s sovereign power. Sorry for the cynicism, I’m just angry. Has anyone any thoughts on this?
Western guys getting Chinese girls is easy. Do you know why? It’s because we are actually civilized. We don’t shit in the streets. We don’t spout medieval garbage like it’s not nonsense. We are mature and capable of living lives independent from our parents. We have education that is not pointless tripe. Sure, there are the bad seeds who are utterly useless pigshit. But even they have potential to have original ideas and execute them.
Do you know why Chinese guys get it so bad? In the west, sure, they might as well just be gay, there is no masculinity given. Us whites are indeed stronger and larger and more powerful. But over here, they do themselves no favors. Even the most intelligent mature and civilized Chinese will still probably have disgusting teeth, still partake in nasty habits, or have family that does. The only civility in China comes from money and even then it’s all just for show. On the off chance that you run into someone who is actually decent, no odd baggage being dragged along for the ride… one look around and you see others that look like him who are human filth.
Chinese couples are fine together, they live together in ignorance of reality, they are literally blind to it all. Mixed couples require one side to either have or be capable of fundamental change. Guys generally do not change. Seeing outside of the China box is something that can never be unseen, so a white female willingly changing to accept a Chinese life? Good luck with that one. And the Chinese male is basically never going to change. At least not really. As a male they are the only child in the family and expected to do all the bullshit, so even if they wanted to change, it’s impossible socially and culturally. To accept reality is to admit that the wife is correct, it is to admit inferiority, it is to lose all face and masculinity.
There is some friction in the Chinese female combination, however the foreign spouse being male is capable of introducing his world which is arguably, in most aspects, far better. You want to have space to yourself? Privacy? Good schools? Clean air and water? Food that is safe to eat? Medical care that is not all a giant scam? Medicine that is not fake? To do that in China requires obscene amounts of money and even then, it’s not all possible. To do that in the west however, any middle class joe average has that.
What it comes down to is that the only females that come to China and desire to stay long term, are coming in from an even worse situation. A country where being a KTV whore or a nanny pays more than actual legitimate work. A country where sexual harassment is practically encouraged. Oh yes, good luck with that, I’m sure she will totally see the light and accept it. China’s own shitty “boys club” culture prevents it. A Chinese female however, much more ability to move up and out. Once exposed to the outside world, they do not need to maintain any “face”, hell, society expects them to leave their family anyways. They have it far easier. Add in the slender bodies, better diet, exotic looks and any fetishes that go along with it, and it’s EASY to get out.
As for the offspring. No western father really wants to see their daughter marry a Chinese guy. And as for the sons, they are free to marry whomever without issue. For the same reasons as presented above. It is of importance that the children be fluent in multiple languages, have real education and be as excluded as possible from the asian nerd stereotype Otherwise, oh well, just do what the diaosi do and find some girl from an even more fucked up place.
Want to change any of that? Well, the 21st century invites you to hurry and catch up.
This whole issue of western women dating Chinese men is a complex quandry that defines easy explanation. I’m Chinese, and have dated and had relationships with both Chinese and western men. I travel back and forth between China and Europe and Canada. I have a pretty good understanding of western culture, including dating and sex among Chinese and westerners of any gender and orientation. I have lots of contact and friends among both Chinese and westerners. So, in some ways, I have at least a decent understanding of the perspective from both sides – Chinese and western, guys and gals, western men with Chinese women and western women with Chinese men. One thing I’ve learned is that just when you think you have something figured out, you find that you don’t really know everything at all. So, here’s my two cent’s worth, as the English expression goes, although inflation has likely rendered two cents obsolute, at least in Canada.
First of all, if you (as in the original poster) have found a nice Chinese guy and have a great and loving relationship with him, then the hell with what anyone else says; the heart knows no prejudice. Enjoy yourselves and don’t listen to the nay-sayers, as what’s right for you is an individual choice, and a combination of two people is unique.
It’s true, however, that the dating scene among westerners with Chinese is vastly different for western women here in China than it is for western men. Due to reasons I’m not going to go into here, it’s not hard for a western guy to find a Chinese girlfriend, either for a 1-night stand or for a relationship or even marriage. I have western girlfriends who almost all constantly moan about the sorry state of dating here in China; they say that most expat males seem to prefer Chinese women and for them, Chinese men are not an option. I have a couple of western gf’s who go so far as to contend that Bejing is a dating desert and they’ve given up on dating and relationships until they can return home.
The problem as I see it (as best as I can, since I’m not a western woman considering dating a Chinese man), is that Chinese men simply do not appeal to most western women because they are not “macho” enough, either physically or culturally/emotionally. I find that western women tend to want a partner who is perhaps sensitive, kind, caring and considerate, but they also want someone tall, strong, masculine and sucessful who can provide security and shelter them from life’s storms. In short, they want someone at least with some macho qualities (I’m not talking about wanting egotistical, overly macho types here).
Unfortunately, most Chinese men just don’t generally measure up to the qualities that western women tend to prefer. My western friends think that Chinese guys are too short, too slim (as in not large boned or muscled), and simply too effeminate in their physical appearance to be all that appealing to them. Then there’s the issue of member size. The scuttlebutt going around would seem to suggest that Chinese men are equipped with smaller screwdrivers than western guys, and while it’s not so much the size of your tool as the skill with how you use the tool you have that counts, westerners of both sexes seem overly much preoccupied with this issue. I’ve conducted some “research” on this issue and while there certainly are exceptions, at least to a limited extend, this supposition has at least a bit of truth behind it.
So, my western gf’s just aren’t attracted to the physical attributes that most Chinese men have as a part of their genetic/racial/ethnic heritage. Nothing Chinese guys can do about that. Facial features, lack of body hair, slim build, lithe muscular makeup – just not appealing to western women.
Then there’s the cultural aspects to it. Chinese men are often more reserved, shy (especially around western women) and more serious about dating. They also tend to be more of a mama’s boy than western men are, and family is often more important to a Chinese guy than even his girlfriend or wife is. I have several Chinese gf’s who complain that their husbands put their mothers and family first and them second. They don’t like it, but they expect it. Western women do not expect it and generally do not tolerate it.
Chinese men regard dating differently that western women do, and the same with Chinese women, for that matter. Dating is a serious business, designed to find a wife or husband, not so much to go out and have fun or to find a temporary relationship that isn’t going to end at the altar.
I have known three western gf’s who have dated or had longish relationships with Chinese guys. In all three cases, there were/are problems caused by small things – cultural differences or personal habits that the Chinese men have that irk the gals. One of my friends told me that her Chinese bf phoned and spent more time with his mother than he did with her. Chinese guys tend to work late or work long hours and place more value on their careers or on just getting ahead (or keeping up) than they do on their relationships in many cases. Chinese guys are often bad at contributing to the domestic/housework side of things as well. Most Chinese men regard housework as the woman’s domain and ‘beneath’ them. They also don’t tend to get involved in childcare much either, especially during the infant/toddler stage. Not that they totally ignore their kid, but the fatherly instinct seems to only truly kick in when the child is old enough to actually resemble a human being. There’s lots of small cultural differences that often don’t seem inportant at first, but they start to bother western women once the initial glow wears off the realtionship. By the way, two of the three gals I mentioned broke it off with their Chinese bf’s and the third is currently talking about divorcing, saying that the relationship is just not meeting her needs.
Oh yeah, that reminds me….sex! Sex can be great when it’s lust that dominates at the start of the relationship, but once the initial glow wears off, for some reason, Chinese men start to lose interest in sex. One gf complains that she’s lucky if she can get laid by her husband twice a month. Western women just don’t go for that kind of infrequency. To most westerners, it seems, sex is an important part of their relationship – as it should be – but for Chinese men , sex just doesn’t seem to be that important, or perhaps it’s that they are just too worn out by long hours at work to enliven the night with nookie. Even so, Chinese guys seem to generally prefer to spend time with their friends, playing endless card games or spending time online with video games, or perhaps going to visit mother when he can.
As mentioned above, I’m Chinese and have had both western and Chinese bf’s, but after experiencing several of both, I’m now more inclined to prefer western guys, for dating, for relationships, or just for sex. I guess I’ve spent too much time in Canada.
I have been generalizing of course, and I’m sure that there are plenty of Chinese guys who would make caring and considerate bf’s or husbands, and there are western women who are perfectly content with Chinese guys….but if you take a look around you and listen to the general tone of conversations, it’s obvious that western women simply do not prefer Chinese men in the majority of instances. It is what it is!
Jesus christ that last comment from that dude Scion was vomit inducing. “Civilized?” Yeah I certainly want to hear that word coming from the people who colonized the whole world, destroyed untold civilizations, murdered millions of people, and stole untold amounts of treasure to fund the industrial revolution. Compared to us “Chinks” who coming to America are so polite and who are law abiding, to the point where we are considered easy targets for bullies from almost every other ethnic group. Should polite and law abiding people expect that kind of treatment from supposedly civilized folks? And rude Chinese tourists? Yeah no doubt that because of various issues Chinese do have trouble keeping behaving abroad, but do they beat 10 year olds in Thailand bloody over 29 cents? And oh god, medieval superstition. Hey buddy, how about you talk about your own country where 50% of the people believe that Noah’s Ark actually happened, or you how you currently have an administration that’s dismantling the country’s scientific prowess as we speak in favor of that desert fairy tale?
Not to mention I would revoke your civilized card just from the way you’re acting. Considering if you’re an ESL, its generous of China already to take you in pay you 300,000 a year. And this is the thank you you give the country? Acting like its still the 19th Century and there are foreign concessions with signs saying No Dogs or Chinese allowed? Is that the behavior of a civilized man? And if what you say is true, you believe is a backwards shithole why the hell did you even go in the first place? Whatever it is, if you express such disdain for a country and still stay of your own volition unlike ABC’s who often have no choice, then your motives are definitely not altruism for the poor conditions of the people but rather your own ego as you denigrate them while the locals stroke your ego treating you like Kublai Khan. In which case, to call yourself civil is nothing more than dishonesty. Man, the more I read from all these sexpats in China, the more I would advocate that China establish a policy that only married white males with families can go to China unsupervised.
Surprise surprise who arrives on the scene as the self proclaimed “expert” on why AMWF fails and write a 1000 word smear on AM, of course an asian women.
They just can’t resist. They can’t leave AMWF alone in peace. They want everybody else to celebrate WMAF, but guaranteed in any video, any blog post some AF will be there smearing AM
Yep. when she perceives that asian men are negatively affected by cultural stereotypes & western standards: “It is what it is!”
when she perceives that asian women are negatively affected by asian culture/standards: “No damn wonder some Chinese women date or marry western men.”
so much self-pity, zero self-reflection.
she makes no comment on any of the blatantly racist posts made both before and after her post, but somehow finds the time to defend herself against the one guy who rightfully calls her out, lol.
I swear the only thing that these WM are obsessed with more than creeping on AF is AM’s penises…
I’m not even joking, what is with WM and their fixation on AM penises?
They constantly go out of their way to make sure AM hear how much they don’t like them.
It’s like they desire the attention of AM more than AF lol.
SO THATS WHY THEY LOVE TO TALK ABOUT ASIAN MEN’S PENISES. Someone get the freudian psychology in here
They whine about the muh dik argument when black men use it, yet I would argue that white men are the ones that use the “muh dik” argument the most. They talk about penises and believe in stereotypes overwhelmingly more than any other group of people on Earth.
With that said, I’m sure these guys’ future Hapa sons are going to end up just fine with winner dads like this. If they’re lucky their dad might even talk about their penises and emasculate them personally.
Girl proposes in public to PRESSURE guy. Pathetic!